The MIA Blogger Flies Back On The Radar

Long time, no blog. Many good intentions later I resurface....

Think of me as the caterpillar in the cocoon. I have been in a cocoon for months now.

Today I resurface and the butterfly has flown! I am back with a renewed sense of self and direction. Today I fly in the beautiful form of a butterfly with growth and change a major part of my life.

As I journeyed back to my Blog, I read some posts that made me reflect back on where I was then or made my cry. A lot can change in a small window of time, yet it can take months to bounce back.

Thus my cocoon. My cocoon is a metaphor for my hiding out and waiting for the change to occur within myself.

Summer of 2008 to present presented me with a lot of life changing events, challenges, mixed emotions and even sad times. The growth and change had to occur for a transformation to take place.

So, you ask, why have I been in a cocoon awaiting change or transformation?

First and foremost, my wonderful Mother passed away in August. Despite my desire and plan, the plan of her life was carried out by my Higher Power (God). That's not to say I easily accepted that plan for her life or in spots even resisted it, questioned it or felt emotions like anger, loss, confusion and the like. Believe me I did and still have days where I do.

But, those days are becoming fewer and farther between. Instead of questioning things I find myself today on a path of rediscovery. What is the plan for my life? What can I do to change the future? How can I be a better me? How can I honor my mother's memory and actually make her proud? How can such a profound loss bring about positive change?

Deep thoughts for me to grapple within the cocoon. While I felt safe and warm, it wasn't a thoughtless existence!

Join me at Squidoo and read my tribute to my mother! I would love to count you among my friends there!

http://www.squidoo.com/A_Tribute_To_My_Mother

The loss will never subside in my life. My mother was just too important a figure in my life for that to probably ever happen.

When the butterfly emerged from the cocoon, she discovered there were ways to carry forward sharing positive results from a sad event in her life. Like to hopefully bring peace and positive thoughts to others dealing with illness and death. Or to achieve what is now a major goal on My Bucket List (what I want to achieve before I leave this world) which is making a difference. One of my major goals is to raise six figures during the remainder of my lifetime to help fund Cancer and Stroke related causes. I see that as how I can make a difference and help support the road to prevention, early detection and a cure.

During the Holidays, which were especially tough for me and a year of "firsts", my melancholy was brought into check when I saw the resilience of my son. For a little person, he showed remarkable insights, faith and coping ability with what was a major loss in his young life. His Grandma was like his other parent so the loss was substantial. The three of us lived together since the day I brought him home from the hospital. It was all he knew. Yet he showed maturity and wisdom beyond his years in much of my sadness.

While I wasn't at my best, I shyed away from a lot of things. Blogging of course being one as you can tell. I found it better to hide in my cocoon where I didn't have to put my best face forward for the world. At times, I didn't have to put on any face at all.

Then the realization hit me right after the Holidays and I found myself questioning "Is this really what I want my life to be?"

After taking a long hard look, I realized that the best way for me to snap out of it, so to speak, was to look at my son and his resilience. And to reflect on the person my mother was (a fighter until the end) and decide that the best way to honor the two people closest to me in my life was to break out. Fly free and let the butterfly emerge.

The cocoon is a metaphor for my Comfort Zone. Let's face it, we all have them. It's easy to crawl into that place in our lives especially when bad things happen. Or when things don't go our way. But all that does is imprison you further instead of allowing you to grow. The caterpillar in the cocoon can't become a butterfly without growing!

We all could grow from working on our Comfort Zones and how to step out of them. For more on the subject, visit me here:

http://www.squidoo.com/step_out_of_your_comfort_zone

I am sure by now you can tell I have discovered Squidoo. Squidoo initially for me was a way to promote my business online and it wasn't until I lost the will to further my ulterior motives there that I found what it really can do! For a time, I backed away from not only my Blog but Squidoo. I wasn't really interested in furthering my business because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself, finding something wrong in the world and keeping myself bogged down in the busy work to really want to. True confessions!

But then the unselfish Squid emerged. That's what they call us in the sea of Squidoo!

I have always had a love for writing. Those who have known me the longest will remember that from my high school days even because the school newspaper was a major passion for me. Those of you from Bishop Verot will surely remember the Viking Spirit! Over the years, I have still written things but most were personal journals and every now and then a business related article.

Squidoo has become therapeutic for me, renewing my passion for writing. It's likewise renewed my passion for making a difference, helping others and giving to charities that made their way onto My Bucket List. Someday I will publish My Bucket List for the world to see but I keep adding and editing still.

Give me time, after all I just emerged from the cocoon a couple of weeks ago! Bye, bye, cocoon! You kept me safe and warm during the holidays. You allowed me to grow to where I feel cramped up enough to want my freedom. Now I'm ready to fly!

So the MIA Blogger is back with a renewed sense of direction and purpose. Let's all transcend into butterflies and Rise, Shine and Fly with a new sense of purpose in 2009!